In regards to volunteers’ blog posting activity I was told by Peace Corps administrators during staging “post a blog on a good day, write a journal on a bad one” They don’t just say this because they want PC to look good, but because its easy for friends and family at home to read some of the frustrations a volunteer may be facing and think that the they are having a horrible experience. I also am fearful of having people at home read about some of my less than wonderful days and worrying about how I am doing. Simultaneously I think to leave out the bad times is a little like lying… and I really want to be honest with all of you about my experience.
…So I will preface this entry by saying that for the most part I am pretty happy I think my previous posts have probably conveyed that overall everything is going very well! Time is moving fast, fast, I am very excited about all of my projects, have made great friends and life in general is good! Some days though, are just… BAD days! My week can be filled with several “this is why I’m here” happy go lucky moments and then one bad-egg-of-a-day comes along and tares me down.
Being the only white person living in the village is like being a celebrity without any of the benefits. Everyone knows who you are and is up in your business 24-7. Everything from what time I wake up, what I eat, wear, or cook to the friends I chose to spend time with is being watched and talked about daily. Sometimes I just want to blend in or even be invisible so I can read a book on my porch or wash my laundry without an audience or being bothered. I have yet to ride my bike to and from work without being called “Musungu!” by onlookers…a word that means “white person” in Bemba, that I have developed a very love-hate relationship with…
There are few days that go by that I am not harassed in some way on the sole-basis that I am white. Although almost all the volunteers experience this kind of discrimination, I think living in such an urban area, being a woman, and also a first-generation volunteer at my site has lead me to be the recipient of much more/constant prejudice. Most of the time there is enough people and things going on to keep me positive, and I’m able to shake it off. Some days I let it get to me… and I want to scream. Some days… I do. There are only so many times you can answer the ewais screaming “How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?” before you aren’t “Fine!” anymore. Its times like this that a break from the village, a call from home, or a day away with other Americans is in order…
On that note, I have been away from site already for one week for PEPFAR (US Funded HIV/AIDS Counterpart Workshop) and am already missing “home” (Luyeye!) Although I have little “privacy” in the village I miss being “alone” and having time to myself…which is hard in the Provincial House (filled with the other 12 volunteers.)
Tomorrow I leave for
In closing…I want to reassure you all that I am more than fine and wouldn’t want to be anywhere then here, but I don’t want to give any of you the impression that being here is ever easy. They say Peace Corps is the “hardest job you’ll ever love” and I already believe it to be true. I am hopeful and fighting through the hard parts, and I can feel it all the time but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.
PS Not really a Quote of the Week but...
...I met a child in the village last week named "Scared" !!!
PPS I just put a bunch of photos up on Facebook
Thanks for your honesty, Ellyn. It's great to hear about your experience in Zambia. One of the things that always helped me during trying times was remembering that all of these experiences will make great writing material some day.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. Everyone at TBS sends their love.
-- JeriAnn